Woman aggression is still, even at this time, a taboo subject. Expressing hatred directly has also been forbidden to women, for “a decent woman is never angry”. No wonder passive-aggression is unfortunately common among women when anger as a feeling has not been allowed at all. Passive-aggressive behavior can occur e.g. as bullying, gossiping, talking behind the back, camping, manipulating, or excluding. It can also manifest itself as hypocritical hyperpositivity and denial of “all false” feelings. Often these misperceived feelings are part of holistic humanity, such as anger, jealousy, shame, and guilt. When these feelings are not accepted into one’s own humanity but cut off, problems inevitably follow.
The other extreme for denying certain emotions is an emotional storm, with emotions fluttering like a devastating thromb without anyone in control. This can viciously feed something on a woman’s inner stage. An example of this is interpersonal dramas. An individual “shouts” desperately at another’s attention because internal emptiness constantly demands it. The inner experience is that he exists only because of impulses coming from outside. Even negative attention is attention. This is one reason why, for example, one does not dare to resign, even if it serves the growth of both. Or if you resign, you will always come back. The interpersonal game keeps the wheels spinning until one of them wakes up and blows across the game.
The passive-aggressive mechanism can adversely affect a surprising number of things in a person’s life. It is especially damaging to relationships. For example, it can be very difficult for a person to clearly identify and express their needs and boundaries, to be truly visible as themselves. This can drive intimidation, or alternatively prevent the formation or deepening of intimate relationships. Often, the fear of showing vulnerability and self-sensitivity can also play a role in the background - a pattern of behavior that can keep oneself safe.
When healthy aggression is not in use, there can be a general difficulty in open emotional expression or constructive interaction, and a person can be drama-seeking and critical. Manipulative behavior is also typical. Conversing with such a person can be tricky, especially talking about more difficult things, as there is a constant haunt of fear of inadequacy, rejection, and rejection. Anyone who disagrees with him is perceived as a threat and even the slightest criticism goes under the skin - it is perceived as an attack on himself.
Often, fear of conflict drives women to act indirectly and spin unnecessary drama. In many cases, such a person may have sudden outbursts of rage when the seals on their own internal pressure cooker begin to fray and the aching little girl demands to be made visible with her depressed anger. This causes anxiety as well as guilt afterwards, and the experience of one’s own “wrongdoing” is reinforced. Unexperienced anger begins to turn inward, and at worst, it translates into depression, eating disorders, or other forms of harshness toward oneself (for example, constant execution). One must punish oneself in some way for being “bad”.
The best cure for passive-aggression is in-depth self-knowledge work, which takes you to the birthplaces of your own mechanisms as well as your own childhood experiences. An adult who often repeats a passive-aggressive behavior has not received an accepting gaze in childhood, or has received it only in certain situations. Unconsciously, he has learned to adapt his behavior according to the kind of feedback he has received in his childhood, for example from his parents. He becomes an amoeba who always tries to adapt and please, forgetting himself and his needs. He is an emotional weigher who finds it difficult to withstand the anger of others, for example. It is unbearable to be in the vicinity of a self-denied feeling. A person may try to push another’s emotion down by trying to shift their attention to other things, or try to clean up the emotion by saying, for example, “please don’t be angry” or the like.
The worst part is that often others sense that the person is not in line with themselves, and he or she attracts exactly what the world fears most: the experience of being rejected or rejected. The exception is if such a person is in a relationship and his partner has similar challenges. In this case, the damaging interpersonal game continues until the patterns that simmer beneath the surface are made visible, and each takes responsibility for their own feelings and growth.
If you continue to overtake yourself long enough, something inside will die. At worst, a person no longer recognizes their feelings - nothing feels at all. Such a woman desperately needs the experience of being wonderful just the way she is. And that it is safe to express all emotions. He needs reassurance that when he dares to be who he really is, he will be released - on many levels. He needs support in identifying and becoming aware of his own mechanisms, a companion on a journey of exploration to the roots of passive-aggressive behavior.
When aggression is released into pure life force, the misty landscape brightens and the lights of life come on. In order to walk in the light, one must learn to navigate in the dark. There are no days without nights, and vice versa. All emotions belong to us, and are equally valuable. As we learn to embrace the darkness and its shadier sides within ourselves, we grow whole. We allow ourselves to be exactly who we are. We break free from dualistic, confrontational thinking, and step into our own power. At the heart of our unique femininity.
Here the horses act as excellent mirrors. The horse is very straight and always honestly shows our pain points if we dare to look at them. Many themes that have been hidden for a long time can quickly surface with the support of horses. I am always just as amazed at this wise, gentle power of horses. There is something so beautiful and touching about it. The horse works so admirably straight and somehow their energy just passes through some level of our humanity, which is exactly what is supposed to happen at that moment. Naturally, without coercion. Supported by the horse, we dare to feel more easily the full spectrum of our humanity, we dare to open up to the healing power of the encounter.