Sometimes authenticity and visibility may be confused with sharing from one’s own wounds. The individual himself may well believe that this is now the authenticity and honesty when all the abuse and painful experiences of my life are on the counter. Trauma has also been identified - it has cleverly become part of its own personality. Especially if the trauma treatment is in progress, the distribution from the wounds can take place as if stealthily if one cannot adequately protect oneself.
There may be a very difficult past in the background and the painful inner child is seeking attention by any means. The cycle of violence continues, placing itself in a very vulnerable place when hand-wounding. It is a different matter to divide from an open state of sensitivity than from a self in the flesh.
Haavakeskeinen minuus huutaa jatkuvasti “nähkää minut, huomatkaa minut, katsokaa minua”, sillä huomio on saatava hinnalla millä hyvänsä. Ja jos huutoon ei vastata, seurauksena voi olla kokemus ”tiesin etten ikinä riitä, aina minut torjutaan”. Tästä seuraa ikävä noidankehä: mitä enemmän muut vetäytyvät sen kovempi on huomionhaku – epätoivoinen kaipuu yhteyteen. Jos ihmiset ympärillä eivät ole riittävän tietoisia tästä draamasta mikä on käynnissä, he saattavat herkästi tulla vedetyksi siihen mukaan ja ovat huomaamattaan ihmissuhdepelin nappuloita. Voimauttamisen sijaan he ruokkivatkin haavoja, ja pahimmassa tapauksessa myös sisäistä uhria.
The cup fills up for a moment, but quickly the feeling evaporates and the attention has to go down again. Often it can be hard to be in the vicinity of such a person, no matter what the subject, he always gets to shift attention to himself. He may ask for rumors, but in reality he is not interested in the affairs of others, but is just waiting for it because he gets a word of mouth again.
In my work at the Maria Academy, as well as in my own private sessions, I am dealing with women who may have very serious traumas in the background. Especially when we work on the theme of violence against women, there may be a harsh past in the history of women who experience violence as perpetrators of violence. Most of the clients who contact us about aggression issues are just ordinary mothers and women who are lost in what is healthy aggression and what is destructive violence.
There may not even be an awareness that aggression could be a positive thing at all. Boundaries are blurred and no one has ever taught emotional skills. The fact that all human emotions are just as valuable, and the more some emotions deny themselves, the more problems arise.
Hyvin usein asiakas kokee ettei saisi olla vihainen, ärtynyt, harmistunut, suuttunut tai raivoissaan. Nämä tunteet nähdään täysin väärinä ja ne on irrotettu itsestä. Ei siis ole ihme, että painekattila paukkuu jossain kohtaa yli. New age -skenessä näkee paljon passiivis-aggressiivisuutta. Pinnan alla kytee, kun ei ole ok näyttää tai ilmaista kiukkua. ”Hyvä henkinen ihminen on aina harmoninen.” Paskan marjat! Hyvä henkinen ihminen on ennen kaikkea Ihminen. Sellainen, joka ei anna muiden määritellä sitä kuka on, vaan pitää oman voiman itsellään.
Spirituality and humanity are not mutually exclusive, but the point is to integrate them. Anchor the soul more strongly to the body by experiencing humanity as fully and holistically as possible. We are people - for a reason. We are learning and growing.
The fact is that the more we deny something essential in ourselves, the worse we can. Let's look at the pedophile scandals of the Catholic Church, which are now unfolding at a rapid pace. When sexuality, which is a natural part of humanity, is demonized, the consequences are serious. And do not remove the incense that follows the repression of incense, mantras or ave maria.
Trauma and drama have also been allowed to become attached to themselves as an integral part of themselves. This phenomenon can also be difficult to identify, and often the individual clings to the identity they have created with their nails and teeth. “Others just can’t stand my honesty and being my own, genuine self”. It requires attention and discernment to identify what is really going on, so as not to get involved in interpersonal games that a person attached to wounds and a victim story can easily rotate, even if they do not necessarily admit - this is not always done consciously.
Even a person attached to trauma can react strongly to setting healthy, clear boundaries for him, as it again activates the experience of rejection, and the wounds of the inner child. This can lead to gossip, blame, silent school, or other passive-aggressive behavior behind your back. One's own pain is quickly tried to be borne by others, so that one does not just have to face one's own pain, or shame, and take responsibility for one's own behavior. Manipulation and conflicting communication are quite common.
I feel that women's circles, for example, are basically a good idea. Women come together to share and empower. But herein lies the pitfall - be careful that the district does not become a forum for the stories of victim stories or a gossip club. In this case, it is a drama circle that does not contribute to anyone's empowerment, but draws even more strongly to the wounds.
Being visible requires you to dare to allow yourself to be seen. Takes responsibility for himself, his choices, his own feelings - his entire life path. About their own history and experiences. Visibility is not based on games, attention, or the need to please. Being visible requires courage because it challenges us to be open. Sensitive and vulnerable, as well as very stubborn if necessary, and border-conscious. This is not always nice, and is sure to provoke different reactions in others. However, only in this way will we remain true to ourselves and keep our own strength.
When we’re really visible, we don’t have to play interpersonal games, get caught up in the drama, traumas of the past, or seek attention. We are just and radiate our own light, embracing our shadows. While this is not easy, it is definitely worth a workout as it strengthens the bridge from heart to heart.
This allows us to communicate better with each other from within - not from our wounds.